crushes

haha am i the only one who's had like tonnes of crushes...
but depressingly, none has ever worked out :(


i dont know when my first crush became.
perhaps it was in primary school...when i thought of classmates and teachers when i jerked off?
:X
gosh...i was damn sick.

hmm. the first real crush i rmb clearly was ja,
a well-mannered tanned senior who has the best temperament ever.
it's impossible to piss him off; but somehow i managed to.
kudos to my eq :)

but well, at some point of time, another senior, i shall call him isabelle (that's what my friends and i call him for discretion), attracted me.
i found him super cute! hahaha. we chatted really well on msn because he was ultra caring!
my crush got deeper when he hugged me on my birthday.
imagine my elation!
he was the longest-lasting crush i've ever had.
i thought of him daily. no, make that hourly.
i'd see him online on msn, but i'd be too shy to start a convo.
was always over the moon whenever he decides to msn me.
i still rmb clearly, i managed to get him to msn me through one of my schemes.

it was after sze chuan earthquake and ppl were sending donations over.
there was this viral rumour that if you add *rainbow or smth similar in front of your msn display name, $0.05 would go to this charity.
and so everyone, including him and myself, added it to the front of our display name.
later on fb, i noticed that he posted this msg "the rainbow thingy is a scam...it doesn't work" (or something similar...cant rmb the exact message)
feeling cheated, i removed it at once.
but after hoping desperately that he would msn me, i schemed and replaced that emoticon on my display name.
and just as how a mouse would enter a trap, he msn-ed me to inform me that it was a hoax.

I AM SUCH A GENIUS. :)

i was so obsessed with isabelle.
stalking him on facebook/friendster everynight.
i stalked ja on friendster frequently previously as well
(cos at that point of time, facebook just began gaining popularity. i was so paranoid that he'd find out i actually turned on the "private browsing" function, which prohibited me to see who viewed me simultaneously. but who cares. i could view his profile without him suspecting that i was a stalker! )

i was later convinced to migrate to facebook by isabelle who said "facebook doesnt have ah lians. it's too complicated for them to used"

hilarious right?
and i guess he is right. i've not seen "miee lurbx eeuuu worhxxxx" since i've joined fb.

and yes, i got so obsessed with him that when a junior got unnaturally close to him, i actually hated that junior.
he's one of those act-cool-buay-cool (acbc) kia who'd suck up to anyone in power.
(yes this is my biased representation of him. get over it. it's my blog and i'm always right)
 it all seems so childish now. haha.
but i was 14. cant blame sum1 who's barely a decade old for being immature right?

after a while, the crush died off.
maybe cos he didnt msn me anymore. he was bz with his o levels and he had handed his exco duties over to the next batch and neednt PR with his juniors anymore.
and maybe cos i found out that he had a gf whose name i still rmb! yc were her initials :X
that slut! hahaha.
and i confirmed he  was straight as a rod when a friend gossiped to me about this senior confessing to him but got rejected cos he was not into guys. he became his "kor" after that.

wtf, maybe if i had confessed we'd be closer now.

(oh i was frm an all-boys sch btw)

haha oh well. but he graduated soon after and i never talked to him since.
:(

i got into a new class and began crushing on 4 guys.
djdj!
hahaha. yep. their names began with "d"s and "j"s.
oh and i made this observation that most of my crushes name ended with "n".
and during the isabelle-crushing period, i had 2 other crushes as well. and all 3 had white specs!

(on the sidenote i actually confessed to one of them at the end of the year when i was working at this boring place. i wld sms him everyday.
finally, i mustered enough courage to say "hey i kinda like you". 
he was like "oh?"

"what does that mean? arent you freaked out or smth?"

"nth. and nope i'm not"

i forgot what i said after that...
but he sent me this "i dont like girls"
i actually slept on him in our trip to china.
i was such a slut...told him i was cold and slept beside him.
later, i inserted my hands under his shirt, using "ur body is warm and my hands are freezing" as an excuse to hug him to sleep.
later into the night, i realised he had a hard on!
i guess it was just morning wood but i managed to well, brush against it while pretending to be asleep.
:X he avoided me ever since! HAHAHA)



OK BACK TO DJDJ.
i liked them cos they were hot.
yes call me superficial. i am super superficial btw.
i'd glance at them while they change. hahahahahahahaha.
omg.
i'm sure it's a stage all gays go thru right?!

d1- not really cute then. nerdy in fact. with pimples populating his face. but his chest was oh-so-hot. and he was very friendly to me.

j1- tanned. cute. hot. need i say more? thou i think he knew i like to stare and always avoid changing in front of me

d2- tanned as well. pleasant personality. smart. elite. kinda hot bod (cos of his tan) with a slight tummy.

j2- idk wat i saw in him. haha. face kinda cmi. i was super attracted to his bod! it wasnt defined or anything. but it was perfect, not too much fats. furthermore, he'd talk to me abt masturbation, dick size, porn and stuff. later on, he turned against me. kept antagonising me. i suspect it's cos he's homophobic (yes i ain't the most straight-acting gay out there) under the category of fearing that he himself is gay. thus i'm the perfect target to vent his frustration on. we shall wait and see :)  or maybe it's cos my crush on him was too evident! but i think the former is more plausible. HAHAHHAA

got over them as well.
hahahhaha! crushes are meant to fade with time right?!
ok there was this point i was seriously into d1. like isabelle-serious.
we got so close that classmates actually questioned if we were tgt.
i'd walk super close to him and feel his chest muscles with the back of my arm as it automatically brushes onto his chest when we walked.
but in the end, nothing worked out.
i didnt even confess but...
he kept telling me he is straight.

haha. he's still nice to me though :)
actually he is nice to everyone.
wish i've a personality like him.
with no opinions about other ppl.
ok he still has ppl he dislikes but they are the kind u'd hate with your guts. passionately.


currently, there's someone i kinda like but i've screwed it up with one of my games. this warrants for another blog post.
and there's another crush before this and it'll come after yet another post about bffs :)
i've to blog about a dream i had of my parents discovering my orientation too.
and about irc- creepy married guys, hookups