should i?

had lunch with hfc and empty today.

shopped with hfc after empty left and met his sis.

shopped for x'mas presents at orchard which is freaking cheapo-looking this year.

it's in such a grotesque purple.

i want it to go back to the snowing theme with classy white throughout!

(oh i've never seen real snow before. i've always have a fantasy of reaching up to the guy i love, going into his embrace and share the kiss of our lives while snowflakes are constantly falling from the night sky. total tw drama scene right! LOL)

anw, didnt buy much despite combing through almost the entire orchard.

we decided to go to nex after that but it was a fruitless trip as well.

shopping's such a good cardio right :P

(i'll find reasons to convince myself that it's perfectly fine to hate running)

we went to Mc's to rest since we were exhausted and thirsty.

and we talked.

he kept asking me abt the sick stuff which i hate talking to friends about irl.

do not, i repeat, do not touch on it again!

i'm really worried that the slut in me would influence them such that they have premature sex or wtv.

please...dont!

anw, panda, hfc and i arent out to empty yet.
(apparently hfc claims to be straight. wtv lah. i really do not care abt any1 elses orientation. unless obviously if that person is the one) 

although we hinted kinda explicitly throughout our steamboat the other day.

the 4 of us wld actually talk abt the guys we like a few years back.

when we were still innocent...or at least they were :X

anyhoo, empty sort of grew out of it?

and we havent talked about our orientation since forever..

the last time we mentioned it, he thinks that it is actually a "growing phase" and we would stop crushing on guys in future.

but since empty and i go way back, same class for 8 years, i've been feeling that it's time i told him.

panda and i were going all out to hint while hfc remained quiet last time.

idk if i should.

i cant bring myself to say it in a normal conversation.

i don't have a bf so i cant just say i'm dating a guy.

neither do i have a slow-trickling water cooler..

hfc's not cool with the idea.

i know panda would want it too, right?!

cos during steamboat, the 3 of has had to communicate about some cute guys and started being very cryptic and empty was left out :X

he pretended to be busy eating lah...i'd have felt damn awkward also.

but how?!

how does one come out?!

i feel like writing this blog link in my x'mas card for him...but it has all the sexual stuff.

i dun think he'd be able to digest it since hfc said that even panda is shocked.

how :(

it's like, if it's that diffi to come out to even a bff of 8 freaking years...

how wld i tell others in futere :X

or issit the longer you know the person, the harder it is to tell?

i will never ever ever ever x9999999 come out to my parents.

unless they find out on their own or ask me; i'd never initiate it.

the plan is to rent a house and move in with my future bf as soon as i have a stable income

:D:D:D:D

had awfully chocolate ice-cream just now.

freaking awesomely rich ahhhhh!

super guilty though :(

Coming Out?

It was yet another typical holiday spent in front of the computer; the humdrum is really getting to my nerves. It isn't that I'm not glad I finally have a break after the intense revision for the Exams. I've been complaining steadily since then. I guess I will never be satisfied. Then again...who will?

I need money! Why can't i find suitable weekday job? Then I'd be spared from this monotony too!

Sighing, i opened trevvy.com as always.

No mails nor kisses again? How depressing...

After browsing through the forums and exhausting my limited hotbod views, I decided to go cool off and have a shower. I left the computer as it is, without "switching user", as I normally will when I'm not alone at home.

Bubbles flew from the circle formed by my fingers. It has always been one of the joys of showering since young- creating bubbles. It wasn't until I discovered something else that required the same placement of my fingers that I've neglected this joy.

A bubble popped.

Right after, I heard the familiar ring of the keys, the unlocking of the door and it slamming shut.

Mom's home.

I continued indulging in this act of merriment while lathering myself up. A few bubbles flew to the floor and remained there, forming hemispheres.

How great was it to be a child. Free of worries, struggles, boredom. I could have literally spent hours playing with bubbles in the shower without complaint. It's virtually impossible now, though.


"LMO! GET OUT OF THE TOILET RIGHT NOW!," screamed my mom.



 The sound waves seemed to be aimed at the bubbles. They burst and vanished into thin air.

Shocked, I rinsed off all the soap on my body...thinking what could she be mad at? I stepped out of the shower as quickly as I could dress and knew what went wrong.

She was glaring right into my computer screen.

~



ok i cant really be bothered to write in proper english now so i shall end it right there. LOL
i've never particularly liked narrative writing.

 This is just part of my DREAM with a little imagination

(cos just as they say in inception, there usually isnt a beginning in a dream)

the second part of the dream was a blur. it involved a priest coming to my house (we're a buddhist/taoist family) to bless me or something?

if your parents were to find out that you are gay, what would you do?

what would they do?

send you to a gay conversion programme? (click and the lance carroll guy at 14:18 is damn cute. :D:D:D:D but his story is such a nightmare. his mom went livid and after she found out. i tot moms are supposed to be more supportive?)

(digress. it's preposterous! hitting a pillow with a tennis racquet can "cure" homosexuality? fuck i hope he burns in purgatory for scamming those people. and it's a church for goodness sake! if you are sincere about helping ppl to "convert", what's with the charge? people who can't afford to buy the package have to remain gay then?!

i really doubt that homosexuality is a choice. i knew i like guys since forever ago and i was pretty accepting of it. i did not go through the denial period at all.

if you're gay, i think you should just embrace it; instead of suppressing it and forcing yourself to date, marry and have kids. or you'll end up like the irritating guys on IRC who proudly claims to be married and seeks guys to have sex with.

how tragic. for their wifes and children. 

my friend told me this story about his friend who was into older guys chatting with this guy on IRC. when they decided to meet up, his friend actually spied at a corner and realised the guy he was supposed to meet at that place was his father. wtf right?!)

anw seriously, i hope i do not have to come out. ever.

i think it will just be pure awkwardness.

i know there are many open gays out there like bubu and i totally admire their courage!

it's just, personally, i'd feel very uncomfortable if my family members should know.

what's your take?