ktv again!

hahhaha yeah went to ktv with hfc.
told him that i wanted to shop initially...
but i just wanted to ktv again suddenly.
i guilted him into agreeing even though he was really reluctant coming up with excuses abt tests and all.
i'm crazy and bitchy like that :D

we both have similar taste in music and i know almost every song he likes and vice versa.
there are exceptions of course.
like how he finds "Born This Way" horrible. rowr!
(sidenote: isn't born this way banned in malaysia? i heard it playing in a shopping centre in jb leh)

anyhoo it was really awesome to have a ktv session with a close friend.
cos he knows how i cant sing and doesnt rly mind. just kept on laughing but wtv lah.
not like it is his first time hearing me sing.
and cos we can get super hyper tgt, we were literally screaming at "high" parts of the session.
i cant get this high with other ppl cos i'll be worrying how they'll think im crazy and stuff.
but with ur bff, that's when ur true colour shows. hahahhahaha


we went crazy after singing not myself tonight.
followed by hollaback girl and then party people right after!
all awesome party songs!
we managed to clear the rap part of party people perfectly (with the help of the original singers of course) even though the last time we heard it was ages ago.
i loved the fergie's rapping parts so much that i kept practising it last time.
"all of you haters can kiss a behind. specifically speaking i'm talking about mine!"


session ended off with veronicas- untouched.
wooohooo!
kk i know these songs are a little outdated...but that was the time when we had the time to get crazy and sing those songs in school/ over the webcam.


and any singing schools need people for before/after advertisements?
i am the perfect before candidate! off key in every note i sing :D
sponsor my lessons and i dun mind being filmed throughout them hahhahahahhahaa!







yep she sounds better than me so u can imagine hahhahaha.
i showed somene how i sound and he kept laughing throughout lah! wtf!
right until he said gdnite still making fun of me :(
rowr! evil slut hahhahahha,

pathetic

t-rex says:
*lolo
*從前有個人叫阿爽。 他死掉了。 出殯那天。 他的家人哭喊：「 爽啊……爽啊！」 路人不解，問道：「你們爽什麼啊？」 家人痛哭流涕：「爽死了……爽死了!!」

lmo says:

*.__.

*lala

*im bored!

    t-rex says:
*lili
*want to learn french?
*Bonjour

lmo says:

*bonjour

*foei gras

 t-rex says:
*escargots
*delifrance
*french fries

lmo says:

*LOL

*k wat abt jap?

*konichiwa

  t-rex says:
*I KNOW
*takashimaya
*yoshinoya
*daiso

lmo says:

*KONIYAKU

*WAIT

*I MEAN KINOKUNIYA

*LOL :x

 t-rex says:
*still got what ar
*TOYOTA

lmo says:

*HONDA

t-rex says:
*MITSUBISHI

lmo says:

*HYUANDAI

*OOPS HYUNDAI

*SAMSUNG

t-rex  says:
*samsung is meh

lmo says:

*i think so

*oops samsung is korean :X

t-rex  says:
*Hahah
*i know more
*YAOI
*HENTAI
*BUKKAKE

lmo says:

*HAHHAHAHHAHA

t-rex  says:
*all japan

lmo says:

*GROSSSSSSS

*wat is yaoi?

t-rex says:
*:-O You dont like ar
*bye
*LOL
*gay porn i think

lmo says:

*i dun like bukkake so grossss!

t-rex says:
*変態　 < hentai
*is porn
*so yaoi shld be gay porn

lmo says:

*oh

*such a pro

*LOL

t-rex is learning jap and french in school simulataneously.
it's incredible!
if it were me, i'd be confused as hell and go around saying...
"bonjour! watashiwa LMO des. voulez vous croucher avec moi?" :P

and yep, my life is that pathetic now.

no flings, no bf, no whatever.

that guy did msn me though :D

i can't help that my posts are so boring.

hfc and panda were asking me to go have some flings so there will be more interesting updates.

what awesome friends .__.

signing out...

will be away till sun on some small islet in SG.

:D

x'mas with family!

crap, i haven't packed.
and sigh, there's no way of santa fulfilling my wish.
unless...there's an aj at the chalet next door...but what are the chances?

~

i've been watching...
pao mo zhi xia (summer's desire)

DA S (barbie hsu) is as awesome as ever!
i've been watching her shows since meteor garden.
ok fine, the only other drama i've watched with her acting in it is corner with love.
seems as though she will always receive characters who are easily pitiable.

sidenote, the guys are hot tooo
hehehe :D

Merry Christmas!

lmo

should i?

had lunch with hfc and empty today.

shopped with hfc after empty left and met his sis.

shopped for x'mas presents at orchard which is freaking cheapo-looking this year.

it's in such a grotesque purple.

i want it to go back to the snowing theme with classy white throughout!

(oh i've never seen real snow before. i've always have a fantasy of reaching up to the guy i love, going into his embrace and share the kiss of our lives while snowflakes are constantly falling from the night sky. total tw drama scene right! LOL)

anw, didnt buy much despite combing through almost the entire orchard.

we decided to go to nex after that but it was a fruitless trip as well.

shopping's such a good cardio right :P

(i'll find reasons to convince myself that it's perfectly fine to hate running)

we went to Mc's to rest since we were exhausted and thirsty.

and we talked.

he kept asking me abt the sick stuff which i hate talking to friends about irl.

do not, i repeat, do not touch on it again!

i'm really worried that the slut in me would influence them such that they have premature sex or wtv.

please...dont!

anw, panda, hfc and i arent out to empty yet.
(apparently hfc claims to be straight. wtv lah. i really do not care abt any1 elses orientation. unless obviously if that person is the one) 

although we hinted kinda explicitly throughout our steamboat the other day.

the 4 of us wld actually talk abt the guys we like a few years back.

when we were still innocent...or at least they were :X

anyhoo, empty sort of grew out of it?

and we havent talked about our orientation since forever..

the last time we mentioned it, he thinks that it is actually a "growing phase" and we would stop crushing on guys in future.

but since empty and i go way back, same class for 8 years, i've been feeling that it's time i told him.

panda and i were going all out to hint while hfc remained quiet last time.

idk if i should.

i cant bring myself to say it in a normal conversation.

i don't have a bf so i cant just say i'm dating a guy.

neither do i have a slow-trickling water cooler..

hfc's not cool with the idea.

i know panda would want it too, right?!

cos during steamboat, the 3 of has had to communicate about some cute guys and started being very cryptic and empty was left out :X

he pretended to be busy eating lah...i'd have felt damn awkward also.

but how?!

how does one come out?!

i feel like writing this blog link in my x'mas card for him...but it has all the sexual stuff.

i dun think he'd be able to digest it since hfc said that even panda is shocked.

how :(

it's like, if it's that diffi to come out to even a bff of 8 freaking years...

how wld i tell others in futere :X

or issit the longer you know the person, the harder it is to tell?

i will never ever ever ever x9999999 come out to my parents.

unless they find out on their own or ask me; i'd never initiate it.

the plan is to rent a house and move in with my future bf as soon as i have a stable income

:D:D:D:D

had awfully chocolate ice-cream just now.

freaking awesomely rich ahhhhh!

super guilty though :(

P

i worked as a promoter for the weekend.
it was so god-damn boring but at least no one cared about me slacking off.
went to bitch with the working aunties in the area hahahhahaha!

i even found some job openings through one of them.
but still, no weekday jobs!

anw, i was posted to the same shopping centre that P is working in.
i added P from trevvy (cos the superficial me tot he was cute) and we got on quite well.
we webcammed (face to face only altho he was shirtless most of the times but he's super skinny so nth much) and at one point of time, we'd keep the webcam on from evening till late when we wanna go to bed.
he'd call me with his house phone and we'll chat till we we sleep.
then sometimes we'll start moaning together randomly...no phonesex though.
and one day, he said "i love you" on msn.
i was shocked and taken aback by this sudden statement and i gave the worst reply ever:

don't you think we should meet first and see how the chemistry is between us?

(we were already talking about meeting before this actually)

so we went out.
to orchard.
caught a lame movie and had dinner.
i actually brought a jacket so it's easier to cover up if we're gonna hold hands or smth in the cinema,
which we did...
when the movie was about to end.
-.-
i asked him why he reached for me so late into the movie and he replied that it was because i wrapped myself in the jacket and he thought i didnt want to.
:(

so yeah, after dinner, he told me he was gonna meet a friend.
idk i was kinda disappointed as we could have gone home together.

the day was quite a let down overall.
firstly because the weather was scorching hot, we were supposed to see a horror movie but his sis bought  wrong tickets for us, his hands were nothing but cold in the movie, we were both sian diao as the dinner place was smoky and unconducive for chatting.

when we reached home, he called and asked if something went wrong.
told him all that and he said he'll take more initiative next time.
(i know i keep expecting others to have initiative and this is super hypocritical but i really like guys who can take the lead)
so yeah, things got on normally, no one mentioning about steading though but there were the usual sweet sms-es and calls.
then one day, i decided the sms-es and calls were taking too much of my time and i needed to study for my exams and told him that we should hold this.
until my exams are over.

my exams were long gone but yesterday was my first time seeing him again.
we didn't contact at all until yesterday when we exchanged the usual pleasantries.
he seemed different, smiling much more radiantly than previously.
so full of confidence while he talked to me.
not the a tat too clingy kind of guy he was previously.
at that period of time, i was a little clingy too...needed someone to help me de-stress etc hahaha
i had also analysed his personality last time, as i would with most other people,
and found that he isn't exactly the perfect one.
for one, he's too introverted and reserved.
i need someone outgoing, assertive and loud .
but he was mature at least, and has a job, something i find very attractive.
so i thought that perhaps it could work.

but yeah,
right now, when we're both more sane,
we aren't even talking to each other.
-.-
i know i can just sms him but i've gone to say hi straight in his face.
i even asked him to have lunch with me through sms and he replied,
"my manager cooks for us and im eating in".
wtf.
for a guy who "loved me", he couldnt spend that 1hr with me.
hahahahhaahhaa.
oh well
some of us use "love" too freely.
"those three words are said too much"

p.s. i saw three gays on the bus home today.
there was a couple arnd my age who was so strikingly obvious as they did not bother to cover up.
another was deduced from the way he dressed...altho his shows SHOES did not match his outfit so it was quite weird.
still, gaydar was beeping.
hahahahahha.
and i realised he got off at the same bus-stop as me and was walking to another block of flats!

frivolous?

 i just talked to a friend who's in ns currently.

we havent chatted for a long time cos of my exams and his ns, i found out he still likes the same straight guy.

cute/hot/nice straight guys are really curses to gays.

it's the one of the most depressing thing to hearing friends rant about how much they like that straightie and about how distressed they feel as the apple of their eyes would never reciprocate.

the only thing more saddening than that is to actually fall for a straightie yourself.

i have always had more than one crushes.

it's as if i'm unable to control my heart/brain.

so while my HFC/ panda have been crushing on their same respective guy for the past year or so, i've had countless.

frivolous?

maybe.

i admit, i do get bored easily.

BUT,

those are just crushes/eyecandies.

i've not really fallen for anyone of them...as they are all straight and my brain tells me that it'll be pointless and heartbreaking if i fall too deeply.

(i'm not saying ppl like them are brainless...just that their "heart" rules and dominates instead. 

ok lah i've to agree with slut that the heart is just an organ to carry out circulation. 

for feelings, attraction, love, it should be controlled by a certain part of the brain while pragmatic thoughts by another?)

whatever it is, i've always found it easy to suppress my feelings just by rationalising.

i don't think there aren't many guys that will make me fall heads over heels for them.

i really don't know.

sometimes, i believe that i'm unable to stay faithful for long.

i really hope not.

as much as i believe change is a necessity,

as easily bored as i get,

i really want that guy to be a constant in my life,

wherever and whenever he may appear.

sometimes when reading and immersing myself in the overwhelming sweetness of the actions/words tuls and bubu bestow each other with, there's that small but piercing tinge of sourness.

dont get me wrong, i love their blogs and i'm happy for them.

it's just...

I WANT MINE.

hehehehe

~

soprano voices truly impresses me

too early

i knew what sex was in primary 1 (7 years old)
and i actually told my parents about it. my definition was "a guy and a girl hugging and kissing on a bed"

i've watched my first porn when i was 10.
discovered masturbation around that time too.
i'd search on yahoo "men totally naked" and would be totally turned on by those pics.
it was until i found out there were porn videos that i discovered how great it felt to cum.
i was rubbing just as that guy was in the vid and there was like the peeing sensation but i continued to stroke even faster.
when it came out, it was pure bliss for a while; after that i thought i urinated in my pants and ran to the toilet.
come to think of it, i think my first time cumming was one of my best.

someone blew me when i was 10.
i was at the library toilet and noticed a guy with a hard on at the urinal.
i stared.
he looked at mine too.
then i went to wash my hands and continued staring at him through the mirror.
he then signaled me to go into the cubicle and i had my first understall experience.
it was my 2nd or 3rd time cumming and when i did, i stood up immediately and tried to get it in the toilet bowl as i still thought i urinated on his hands. i actually apologized.
when we came out of the toilet and were washing our hands, he asked if i had a number.
i was contemplating if i should give my house phone (didnt have a hp then) but decided against it.
i only knew years later that he is a paedophile.

had a bf  and my first anal experience when i was 16.
ok this is quite late right?
i'm still a virgin in the ass btw :)


so yeah, i'm thinking that it all started too early for me.
idk what happened.
or issit just normal for gays?

Back! :)

was talking to A and told him how bad i was at drawing...

decided to demo for him

can u guess what i was trying to draw? :)

and nope, not a cat.
scroll all the way down for the answer.


~
my trip was kinda boring cos i didnt have anyone my age to hang with. :(

the driving there is totally scary!

the driver will honk non-stop if the car in front is blocking his path and he'd stay in the middle of the road while trying to overtake the cars in front.

this occurs even if it's a narrow two-way road.

totally wtf. and taxi was ex like hell.

my hotel was quite far away from the city so there's no choice but to cab.

food was disappointing.

we had fast food for most of the meals.

except breakfast as it was complimentary buffet that came with the room. the usual kind.

the only good thing was that...

WE HAD A&W!

k it might not be such a big thing for malaysians/ ppl from other countries...

BUT SG HAS NO A&W!

my parents and i use to visit it when i was young.

i think my siblings werent born then.

they have the best float and waffle!

it was awesomeness to be able to taste it again.

okok im a little dramatic but the last time i had it was quite long ago when i visited klcc.

tuls/A u guys know wat to do for x'mas...

my address is ____

and make sure the ice-cream doesnt melt!

:)

~

i was super bimbotic on the trip.

-.-

firstly, because their currency is small, the notes have like tonnes of zeroes behind. (rupiah)

it's like super confusing and i am still unused to it.

then when paying for things, i'd take a long time to count the number of zeroes.

many a time, they'd just pick out one from my pile of notes and i wldnt even know if i was cheated.

:X

still got a few laugh at me lah wth.

i'm sure i'm not the only one with such problems ok.

hmph!

so many zeroes for fuck?!

then, i had my first massage experience.

i didnt know what to do ok.

so i lay down on the mattress (it was on the floor and curtained kind) fully-clothed.

-.-

she didnt speak much english ok and i was a greenhorn.

how was i to know i'd have to change into that little black shorts.

and i think i chose the wrong kind of massage.

they had thai/ aroma and i chose aroma when i had a blocked nose.

i didnt know what i was thinking.

i only had 1.5 hrs of massage and went shopping alone while my mom continued.

didnt have anything to buy cos the prices werent much of a diff :(

yes imma cheapskate

when we returned to the hotel, i decided to return to the room first as i was tired.

idk y i was fatigued throughout the whole trip.

but somehow, i couldnt get the door opened.

realised i was on the wrong floor in the end.

totally wtf.

and i saw a cute guy at breakfast today and i like omg finally an aj!

after having dinner, i realised he was holding a girl's hand.

gaydar's spoilt! :(

 (sidenote i took arnd 3 hours to complete this post. i started at 12 and between then and now i've watched 1 episode of vampire diaries, had a long chat with a classmate i usually do not talk to, c2c @ omegle.com, cooked and ate scrambled egg/spaghetti. yes i think i really do have an attention span of a goldfish wth...and this blog post is kinda crappy. oh well.)

(it's a frog if you still cant tell. fail @ drawing lah!)
to think i took art classes when i was young.

kiss? agar-agar?

mom: eh lmo, what does this mean?

(shows me her sms while covering the sender's info surreptitiously)

it showed:

:-*

me: er...idk. wait i ask my friend.

(i know i'm very dumb for not knowing what's that but i've never used it before!)

so i smsed AN and he replied: kiss lol

i was like omg!

wo ma zai gao wai yu?!

(my mom's committing adultery?!)

can't be from my dad.

he barely knows how to use punctuation in smses.

neither does he show his emotions.

never have i heard him once saying "ily".

i really don't want to know.

the kay-poh me feels like snooping, but i shan't invade her privacy right?

or maybe i really do have an overactive imagination.

~

 another funny convo.

so i went to my grams for dinner, she made cai yan/agar agar/ jelly.

tried and found it too sweet.

oh well.

it's really sweet if i find it ok!

i've a sweet tooth.

my favourite old-people-food.

-it's solid honey(?) and powdered-peanut wrapped in a pohpiah skin.

anw, my bro brought his terrapin over for my gram's maid to take care in his absence.

we're heading over to some nearby country for holidays.

(yes we're poor. other families are going to egypt/ europe etc etc and i'm jealous. i havent seen snow before ok! i'm so deprived.)

i'll be back on monday. miss me k? :D 

this means i've to sleep early tonight and wake up early tml. great!

so she was asking: how much to feed?

bro: er...agar agar lah!

maid, exclaiming: HUH IT CAN EAT AGAR AGAR?!

whole family burst out in laughter.

:)

oh in case of language barriers, agar agar is a slang for estimate. it also means jelly.

Dear Santa

x'mas is just round the corner.

i'm not asking for much this year.

i just want...

1

perfect, loving man
to plant a kiss on my forehead before caressing me to sleep.

 preferably above 1.8m tall and has defined collar and pelvic bone.
:)

Shop and dine with HFC

i wanted to swim today. seriously.

i've told myself i needed to slim down before the school term starts.

i really need to lose weight!

so i prepped myself up and left the house.

before that, i was contemplating if i shld leave a little later.

the sun was scorching!

and i'm alr tanned enough.

but guess what. right when i was about to reach the swimming complex,

it started storming.

like wtf. there were thunder and lightning.

was super disappointed lah. 

luckily HFC called.

cos i asked earlier if he wanted to swim with me but he said he'd prefer jogging.

so i was like, ok then imma go alone and got on the bus.

midway, he called and said, "there's no way i'm going to run in this humid condition"

(it rained previously over at his area but stopped)
me: oh ok then i shall go to ur place and swim

when taking the mrt over, he called, "eh i think the rain is coming back"

FML

yep, so we spent the evening walking around the mall instead.

walked past Mc's.

they've new sundae flavour! 

LOL

i got reminded of tuls's food fight.

was the sundae you refused to eat like that?

ok lah idk, i didn't like the taste.

it's green apple flavoured.

hot fudge is still the nicest!

but still, it's good to try new food ok!

i think i'd try to eat insects once.

it'll be fun!

but only those that are deep-fried without foul tastes?

saw this at the supermarket.

it's really baby crabs deep-fried and seasoned.

cute right?!

idk if it's cruel.

but i wanted to try it!

didnt buy cos i was poor and it was freaking $5.50 per pack.

rowr

~

it has been long since i've dinnered with HFC.

we used to go for dinner every weekend and it's awesome.

he's like super hilarious.

apparently, he li jia chu zuo-ed (ran away from home) last weekend or smth.

and he spent the whole night outside...sleeping in a bus-stop.

he is damn da dan can?!

i'd have died if i had sleep on the streets.

if not because of the lizards in the bus-stops, i'd die of embarrassment.

idk about you, but i'll never mistreat myself like that.

if i were to run away from home, i will make sure i've enough cash for me to book a hotel room.

since young, i've always been...narcissistic?

in the sense that i'd always want the best for myself.

so whenever i've quarrelled with my parents and i'm angry at them,

i would not go on a hunger strike like some idiots do. :X

i'd order the most expensive thing there is at the hawker centre, which would most of the time be those cheapo jap food.

incur my wrath? 

pay for it! literally.

(and yes, that explains my fats)

anw guess what was the reason HFC ran out?

HFC's father: EH ___(hfc's sister) sings really well!

HFC's mom: of course lah! she's from choir leh...

dad: but HFC oso wat...

then it escalated into some big quarrel in the car before he threw his phone in the car and ran off?!

HFC even hurled vulgarities at them?

and you know what? HIS MOM JOINED IN!

mom: eh dont think i dunno how to swear. FUCK YOUR PENIS.

we were having dinner and i HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

like seriously.

people stared at me and i had to cover my mouth to stop laughing.

:)  he's awesome.

and HFC if u are reading this, can u like stop running away from home?

(the last time i heard he ran away without slippers. -.-)

and if u really have to, bring ur phone and call me ok...dun stay outside alone!

Games

i'm not experienced in relationships (rls) at all.
i've ony had one ex whom i think CHEATED ON ME WTFBBQ!

lol.

so yeah. i recently added this alumnus on msn.
cos i heard from a friend that he came out in jc and was kinda persecuted.
a parent actually told him to "screw out of *** (his sch's name)" cos he was gay.

i mean WTF right.
SCREW HOMOPHOBES!

seriously...i wish that their son suddenly became gay and i'd love see how they deal with it.

and what are homophobes afraid of?

that we'd fall in love with them?

if you're legitimately cute, i can still accept it.

but if you are a walrus and look like the guy who kissed kurt in glee, 

PLEASE DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF!

and even if you're real cute and there are gays flocking over you, what are you afraid of?
that we'll eat u for lunch?
it's not like we'll stalk you to no end. (i'm speaking for the majority. let's leave the despo outliers aside)
shldnt you be kinda flattered instead of feeling disgusted. ._.


anw so yeah we chatted really well.
i guess at first i added him out of sympathy and wanted to give him encouragement (yes i'm a saint thank you)
and because he's kinda cute?
at first i really didnt harbour any thoughts about ltr...
but we started flirting and he kept asking me for the real reason i've added him.
so after rationalising, i tot he's kinda cute and he lives near me so why not give it a try
thus, i made it look like i've an ulterior motive for adding him
but, you know, being the bitch that i am who loves my face, i turned the table around and made him the one to ask "maybe we can go further?" instead.

and the next day, i went to his house and we hj-ed.
i was his 2nd.
LOL.
we lay on the bed for a while and i was lying on his shoulders.
kinda sweet. it has been a long time since i've felt that way.
then you know, the hanky-panky began after i felt his hard-on with my elbow.
i started sliding my fingers along his body, he's super ticklish btw and was squirming all the way HAHHAA. (ok i'm ticklish too. cant stand it but it's funny when i tickle other ppl)
and finally my fingers came down to his dick.
it was freaking WET!
he had his pants on, with underwear underneath and his precum seeped through both layers.
ok maybe i'm inexperienced but it's the first time i've seen it happenning.
meanwhile, i felt something going on around my crotch area.
but it wasnt at my dick!
his fingers were grabbing smth else -.-
after a while i was like, eh you know that isn't my dick right?!
him: huh? really ah?

i mean WTF.
it's not like i'm small or anything such that it's impossible to locate.
and i'd understand if some straight guys cant locate a cb and mistake the anus for one.
but my dick was hard and it was a protrusion, not a depression like a cb!
idk wat he was grabbing for that period of time.
-.-

so yeah, the usual happened.
i jerked him off first and yeah he returned the favour.

and HE CHASED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE AFTER CLEANING UP.
as in not really chased but said smth like "eh i think you shld go...mom works nearby"

OK FINE.

i'd leave.
returned home.
was hoping he'd msn me (his phone spoilt) so couldnt sms.


nothing.

the next day...

nothing.

and i was getting quite angry.
i mean, you asked me to "go further" and you ignore me after sex?!
(ok idc wat others say, it's still sex even though we did not anal. so long as 2 persons, dicks and cumshots are involved, it's sex)

so i decided to spite him and with the help of this friend, whom i shall call AN, i pretended that i've a bf.
so i added AN into our msn convo and he was like "eh lmo(little mister obsessive), ur bf told me u guys went to watch a movie just now..."

he appeared to be pretty cool with it which led me to believe he knew it was all a lie.
i continued flirting with him .
everything seemed normal.
so on the 3rd day, i was kinda horny, and asked if he'd lend me a book i saw on his shelf.
he said ok and told me to meet him at the mrt.
i was like oh ok...disappointed lah!

didnt really think much of it until i came back home and msned him again.
then i realised HE REALLY THOUGHT I HAD A BF.
i mean, what kind of person would tolerate it right?!
if you asked someone to stead, and the next day he came back flaunting his bf in your face, would you still be friendly towards that guy?
i'd have gone livid and unleashed my tongue on him!

so after i revealed the truth.
he was like "omy...i've a big headache now."

me, sensing smth was wrong, "why? someone else you like?"

at this point of time, i was conversing with AN cos i confided in AN that i kinda like this guy and all. and asked why he's ignoring me etc. you know, the usual aj confidant kind of person...
previously i've also intro-ed AN to that guy...

then AN suddenly said "eh i think i'm the one he likes"

i asked him. confirmed it.
and i was like WTF FML.

super drama serial -.-

seriously, i've only myself to blame for playing such games right?
i cldnt have blamed AN cos i know him and he wldnt dare flirt with that guy...
it was just normal conversation.
i cldnt blame that guy cos he really thought i was with someone else and gave up hope on me...and AN is very entertaining and has quite an addictive personality...i liked him once before. nong nong time ago. (dun gloat if u read this)

and right now he cant make a decision if he wants me or AN.

but seriously, do you think AN would dare to be with him?
i knew AN since...early this year and i think he'd not want to compromise this friendship just for that guy?
not that i'd have blamed AN.

but well, knowing AN, he wldnt do such a thing to me.
so his obvious choice would be ME right?!

wtf does he need to choose for.

but obviously, i didnt tell him that.
i had to pretend to be very mature about it.
and i went "oh i wldnt want to influence your choice. i cant sway you or it will be insincere and i would hate that"

wtf super fake!

but what was i to do?
tell him how he'd be hanging on false hopes that he can be with AN?

and the worst thing is, he'd be overseas for three freaking weeks.
so i'd be left hanging.
right here in SG.
rowr. :(
hate this!

crushes

haha am i the only one who's had like tonnes of crushes...
but depressingly, none has ever worked out :(


i dont know when my first crush became.
perhaps it was in primary school...when i thought of classmates and teachers when i jerked off?
:X
gosh...i was damn sick.

hmm. the first real crush i rmb clearly was ja,
a well-mannered tanned senior who has the best temperament ever.
it's impossible to piss him off; but somehow i managed to.
kudos to my eq :)

but well, at some point of time, another senior, i shall call him isabelle (that's what my friends and i call him for discretion), attracted me.
i found him super cute! hahaha. we chatted really well on msn because he was ultra caring!
my crush got deeper when he hugged me on my birthday.
imagine my elation!
he was the longest-lasting crush i've ever had.
i thought of him daily. no, make that hourly.
i'd see him online on msn, but i'd be too shy to start a convo.
was always over the moon whenever he decides to msn me.
i still rmb clearly, i managed to get him to msn me through one of my schemes.

it was after sze chuan earthquake and ppl were sending donations over.
there was this viral rumour that if you add *rainbow or smth similar in front of your msn display name, $0.05 would go to this charity.
and so everyone, including him and myself, added it to the front of our display name.
later on fb, i noticed that he posted this msg "the rainbow thingy is a scam...it doesn't work" (or something similar...cant rmb the exact message)
feeling cheated, i removed it at once.
but after hoping desperately that he would msn me, i schemed and replaced that emoticon on my display name.
and just as how a mouse would enter a trap, he msn-ed me to inform me that it was a hoax.

I AM SUCH A GENIUS. :)

i was so obsessed with isabelle.
stalking him on facebook/friendster everynight.
i stalked ja on friendster frequently previously as well
(cos at that point of time, facebook just began gaining popularity. i was so paranoid that he'd find out i actually turned on the "private browsing" function, which prohibited me to see who viewed me simultaneously. but who cares. i could view his profile without him suspecting that i was a stalker! )

i was later convinced to migrate to facebook by isabelle who said "facebook doesnt have ah lians. it's too complicated for them to used"

hilarious right?
and i guess he is right. i've not seen "miee lurbx eeuuu worhxxxx" since i've joined fb.

and yes, i got so obsessed with him that when a junior got unnaturally close to him, i actually hated that junior.
he's one of those act-cool-buay-cool (acbc) kia who'd suck up to anyone in power.
(yes this is my biased representation of him. get over it. it's my blog and i'm always right)
 it all seems so childish now. haha.
but i was 14. cant blame sum1 who's barely a decade old for being immature right?

after a while, the crush died off.
maybe cos he didnt msn me anymore. he was bz with his o levels and he had handed his exco duties over to the next batch and neednt PR with his juniors anymore.
and maybe cos i found out that he had a gf whose name i still rmb! yc were her initials :X
that slut! hahaha.
and i confirmed he  was straight as a rod when a friend gossiped to me about this senior confessing to him but got rejected cos he was not into guys. he became his "kor" after that.

wtf, maybe if i had confessed we'd be closer now.

(oh i was frm an all-boys sch btw)

haha oh well. but he graduated soon after and i never talked to him since.
:(

i got into a new class and began crushing on 4 guys.
djdj!
hahaha. yep. their names began with "d"s and "j"s.
oh and i made this observation that most of my crushes name ended with "n".
and during the isabelle-crushing period, i had 2 other crushes as well. and all 3 had white specs!

(on the sidenote i actually confessed to one of them at the end of the year when i was working at this boring place. i wld sms him everyday.
finally, i mustered enough courage to say "hey i kinda like you". 
he was like "oh?"

"what does that mean? arent you freaked out or smth?"

"nth. and nope i'm not"

i forgot what i said after that...
but he sent me this "i dont like girls"
i actually slept on him in our trip to china.
i was such a slut...told him i was cold and slept beside him.
later, i inserted my hands under his shirt, using "ur body is warm and my hands are freezing" as an excuse to hug him to sleep.
later into the night, i realised he had a hard on!
i guess it was just morning wood but i managed to well, brush against it while pretending to be asleep.
:X he avoided me ever since! HAHAHA)



OK BACK TO DJDJ.
i liked them cos they were hot.
yes call me superficial. i am super superficial btw.
i'd glance at them while they change. hahahahahahahaha.
omg.
i'm sure it's a stage all gays go thru right?!

d1- not really cute then. nerdy in fact. with pimples populating his face. but his chest was oh-so-hot. and he was very friendly to me.

j1- tanned. cute. hot. need i say more? thou i think he knew i like to stare and always avoid changing in front of me

d2- tanned as well. pleasant personality. smart. elite. kinda hot bod (cos of his tan) with a slight tummy.

j2- idk wat i saw in him. haha. face kinda cmi. i was super attracted to his bod! it wasnt defined or anything. but it was perfect, not too much fats. furthermore, he'd talk to me abt masturbation, dick size, porn and stuff. later on, he turned against me. kept antagonising me. i suspect it's cos he's homophobic (yes i ain't the most straight-acting gay out there) under the category of fearing that he himself is gay. thus i'm the perfect target to vent his frustration on. we shall wait and see :)  or maybe it's cos my crush on him was too evident! but i think the former is more plausible. HAHAHHAA

got over them as well.
hahahhaha! crushes are meant to fade with time right?!
ok there was this point i was seriously into d1. like isabelle-serious.
we got so close that classmates actually questioned if we were tgt.
i'd walk super close to him and feel his chest muscles with the back of my arm as it automatically brushes onto his chest when we walked.
but in the end, nothing worked out.
i didnt even confess but...
he kept telling me he is straight.

haha. he's still nice to me though :)
actually he is nice to everyone.
wish i've a personality like him.
with no opinions about other ppl.
ok he still has ppl he dislikes but they are the kind u'd hate with your guts. passionately.


currently, there's someone i kinda like but i've screwed it up with one of my games. this warrants for another blog post.
and there's another crush before this and it'll come after yet another post about bffs :)
i've to blog about a dream i had of my parents discovering my orientation too.
and about irc- creepy married guys, hookups