should i?

had lunch with hfc and empty today.

shopped with hfc after empty left and met his sis.

shopped for x'mas presents at orchard which is freaking cheapo-looking this year.

it's in such a grotesque purple.

i want it to go back to the snowing theme with classy white throughout!

(oh i've never seen real snow before. i've always have a fantasy of reaching up to the guy i love, going into his embrace and share the kiss of our lives while snowflakes are constantly falling from the night sky. total tw drama scene right! LOL)

anw, didnt buy much despite combing through almost the entire orchard.

we decided to go to nex after that but it was a fruitless trip as well.

shopping's such a good cardio right :P

(i'll find reasons to convince myself that it's perfectly fine to hate running)

we went to Mc's to rest since we were exhausted and thirsty.

and we talked.

he kept asking me abt the sick stuff which i hate talking to friends about irl.

do not, i repeat, do not touch on it again!

i'm really worried that the slut in me would influence them such that they have premature sex or wtv.

please...dont!

anw, panda, hfc and i arent out to empty yet.
(apparently hfc claims to be straight. wtv lah. i really do not care abt any1 elses orientation. unless obviously if that person is the one) 

although we hinted kinda explicitly throughout our steamboat the other day.

the 4 of us wld actually talk abt the guys we like a few years back.

when we were still innocent...or at least they were :X

anyhoo, empty sort of grew out of it?

and we havent talked about our orientation since forever..

the last time we mentioned it, he thinks that it is actually a "growing phase" and we would stop crushing on guys in future.

but since empty and i go way back, same class for 8 years, i've been feeling that it's time i told him.

panda and i were going all out to hint while hfc remained quiet last time.

idk if i should.

i cant bring myself to say it in a normal conversation.

i don't have a bf so i cant just say i'm dating a guy.

neither do i have a slow-trickling water cooler..

hfc's not cool with the idea.

i know panda would want it too, right?!

cos during steamboat, the 3 of has had to communicate about some cute guys and started being very cryptic and empty was left out :X

he pretended to be busy eating lah...i'd have felt damn awkward also.

but how?!

how does one come out?!

i feel like writing this blog link in my x'mas card for him...but it has all the sexual stuff.

i dun think he'd be able to digest it since hfc said that even panda is shocked.

how :(

it's like, if it's that diffi to come out to even a bff of 8 freaking years...

how wld i tell others in futere :X

or issit the longer you know the person, the harder it is to tell?

i will never ever ever ever x9999999 come out to my parents.

unless they find out on their own or ask me; i'd never initiate it.

the plan is to rent a house and move in with my future bf as soon as i have a stable income

:D:D:D:D

had awfully chocolate ice-cream just now.

freaking awesomely rich ahhhhh!

super guilty though :(

signals

HFC, panda and empty came over to my place.

it's like their first visit to my new place since i moved last year.

had steamboat and mahjong session.

buhahhha.

empty went home and the rest are sleeping right now.

the 3 of us went for a little walk arnd my district earlier on.

i needed to use the restroom so they waited in the petrol kiosk while i relieved myself.

after i came out, and asked them to continue walking, i noticed the cashier smiling at me (or maybe at us but i'd be delusional and think it was just me).

he picked up an apple and did this:

with a seductive grin of course.

i smiled and looked away, pretending to be engrossed in our conversation.

was telling them what i noticed and HFC could sense that he was ~ too.

i guess it was kinda obvious.

even with a rosak (yay i used malay in my post) gaydar like mine,  if i'd to harp on the fact we weren't even customers and yet he still smiled so intently at us , his orientation is so perceivable.

but what was i to do?

go up to him?

then what?

introduce myself?

compliment him?

slip him a note with my number?

i simply do not have the temerity to do that.

what did i do?

i threw a smile, as we walked out of the petrol station.

but i noticed his eyes was still on me!

i turned, knowing i wouldnt approach him, and rejoined the conversation.

so i was telling them this would be all easier if i had an iphone.

GRINDR!

and one of them said: huh now the apps so zai ah? can sense gayness?

how should one respond to sent signals in daily life?

i'd imagine that it's different from responding to guys in showeroom for lalala...

eyeing is sufficient; i dont need verbal communication for that. (not that i'm inept in that)

 but for signals sent for other purposes, the recipient would have to muster a huge amount of courage to provide the wanted response, wouldnt it?

p.s. he was tall and blonde. not eye-candy cute but passable though.