P

i worked as a promoter for the weekend.
it was so god-damn boring but at least no one cared about me slacking off.
went to bitch with the working aunties in the area hahahhahaha!

i even found some job openings through one of them.
but still, no weekday jobs!

anw, i was posted to the same shopping centre that P is working in.
i added P from trevvy (cos the superficial me tot he was cute) and we got on quite well.
we webcammed (face to face only altho he was shirtless most of the times but he's super skinny so nth much) and at one point of time, we'd keep the webcam on from evening till late when we wanna go to bed.
he'd call me with his house phone and we'll chat till we we sleep.
then sometimes we'll start moaning together randomly...no phonesex though.
and one day, he said "i love you" on msn.
i was shocked and taken aback by this sudden statement and i gave the worst reply ever:

don't you think we should meet first and see how the chemistry is between us?

(we were already talking about meeting before this actually)

so we went out.
to orchard.
caught a lame movie and had dinner.
i actually brought a jacket so it's easier to cover up if we're gonna hold hands or smth in the cinema,
which we did...
when the movie was about to end.
-.-
i asked him why he reached for me so late into the movie and he replied that it was because i wrapped myself in the jacket and he thought i didnt want to.
:(

so yeah, after dinner, he told me he was gonna meet a friend.
idk i was kinda disappointed as we could have gone home together.

the day was quite a let down overall.
firstly because the weather was scorching hot, we were supposed to see a horror movie but his sis bought  wrong tickets for us, his hands were nothing but cold in the movie, we were both sian diao as the dinner place was smoky and unconducive for chatting.

when we reached home, he called and asked if something went wrong.
told him all that and he said he'll take more initiative next time.
(i know i keep expecting others to have initiative and this is super hypocritical but i really like guys who can take the lead)
so yeah, things got on normally, no one mentioning about steading though but there were the usual sweet sms-es and calls.
then one day, i decided the sms-es and calls were taking too much of my time and i needed to study for my exams and told him that we should hold this.
until my exams are over.

my exams were long gone but yesterday was my first time seeing him again.
we didn't contact at all until yesterday when we exchanged the usual pleasantries.
he seemed different, smiling much more radiantly than previously.
so full of confidence while he talked to me.
not the a tat too clingy kind of guy he was previously.
at that period of time, i was a little clingy too...needed someone to help me de-stress etc hahaha
i had also analysed his personality last time, as i would with most other people,
and found that he isn't exactly the perfect one.
for one, he's too introverted and reserved.
i need someone outgoing, assertive and loud .
but he was mature at least, and has a job, something i find very attractive.
so i thought that perhaps it could work.

but yeah,
right now, when we're both more sane,
we aren't even talking to each other.
-.-
i know i can just sms him but i've gone to say hi straight in his face.
i even asked him to have lunch with me through sms and he replied,
"my manager cooks for us and im eating in".
wtf.
for a guy who "loved me", he couldnt spend that 1hr with me.
hahahahhaahhaa.
oh well
some of us use "love" too freely.
"those three words are said too much"

p.s. i saw three gays on the bus home today.
there was a couple arnd my age who was so strikingly obvious as they did not bother to cover up.
another was deduced from the way he dressed...altho his shows SHOES did not match his outfit so it was quite weird.
still, gaydar was beeping.
hahahahahha.
and i realised he got off at the same bus-stop as me and was walking to another block of flats!